Taking 100% responsibility: The magic trick that is hard to learn

One of the critical things I had been teaching the kids is to say “everything is my fault” when something goes wrong, but I also told them to feel the “pain” of a mistake or something that goes wrong without the “shame”.

At the outset, it might feel strange and counter-intuitive, as kids taking the blame for something broken or gone wrong might have often lead to punishments. This priming could be one of the key reasons why the brain gets primed for not taking the blame.

A growth mindset has the pre-requisite to accept blames and clearly say it is all my fault – it might sound ridiculous but what I think it does, is giving a signal to your brain that you are powerful and there is something you can do next time to change the outcome.

From that frame of reference, possibilities open up, and in any problems that you have faced or will face, there will be things you can or could have done that could change the outcome.

To understand a bit deeper, examine the opposite of it. Blame – blame someone else, situation, the weather, the other.

What does blame lead to? A sense of escape and relief in the short term and Stagnation in the long term.

If you examine any area of your life where there is no growth happening – it is most likely to be an area where you blame something or someone subconsciously.

Another barrier between taking responsibility and blame is that it can often trigger guilt and shame – both, unfortunately, work as reward loops for the human brain ( I had written another article on it). It becomes a pleasurable thing to do.

So now you are happily stagnating!

Taking responsibility leads to growth, blame leads to stagnation.

Understanding and implementing it requires a good deal of how society uses guilt and shame to make humans behave in ways that avoid the pain of themselves and, in turn, create a fixed mindset.

I blame x, but I take responsibility = I take no responsibility = stagnation

I blame no one but me = leads to action and improvement = growth.

Even if you are remotely blaming anything or anyone, take a step back and that is first step towards growth.

It says, I am freeing myself from the influence of the other person or situation and something inside me or my process is going to change that gives me a different outcome.